And even more disturbing is that they think....
'You must change to survive in this world!'
Most recently...I had someone tell me that I needed to learn to like myself enough to be secure that I am good at ***** (you can fill that in) work, family, creativity, life in general.
I was having a weak moment...probably just a hormone imbalance or hormone battle depending on how you look at it...and yes, I cried....
Apparently Empathy is a crime today but that's a whole other blog.
Now to give you some background...for years, I've been immersed in a tyrannical work environment, and because it seriously bothers me, because I am pretty much at the finish line with tolerance but not in an angry way, just tired....and I fumbled through expressing it....a judgement was made that I don't like myself...yes.. I don't like myself! Lest I wouldn't be effected by this, and I would be able to let it roll off my oh so broad shoulders or stand up for myself....
Meaning? 'There is something wrong with you...put up your dukes and protect yourself! Fight back! You coward!'
Now...of course I could have the meaning wrong or
it could just be my imagination talking, but basically, you get my drift....
and none the less...it added insult to injury, and trust was broken...
I hesitate to confide in people because the words in my head never seem to make it out of my lips and into the air in a way that the other person understands exactly what I meant and how I meant it! I've somehow...through my carefully chosen words (but mostly my silence) given this impression to others that I'm weak....or maybe they just don't want to hear it, ORRRRR maybe....they just aren't speaking the same language!
I'm at the Tower of Babel most days I suppose....
When I look in the mirror.....I'm not like "Oh my...how awesome am I, aww look at you, you are so great?!" (yeah that would be the weirdest self conversation ever!) But! I definitely don't dislike me....I mean...I just think...I'm on my way...not perfect by any means, lots of work to do, but I'm doing it one step at a time, and I don't presume to be better than anybody else, ever!
And to be honest, schmoozing, small talking, fitting in behaviour has never been me....and it never will be....I'm good with that, and that's the narrow path I'm staying on no matter how weak others think that makes me...
Why? Well because my honey's it ain't about money, status, or things....Who I am, isn't some on display or for sale act and it shouldn't be....we have it wrong...stop selling yourself to achieve fake success...
What it is about is striving to be like Jesus, serving and helping other people, taking your own agenda out of the equation, and loving others....
Yeah even the ones who think you are weak...and weird....
Yes I know...it's an innovative idea....one that's been around for hundreds of years.....and it's the right idea...
Truly...Jesus is the answer....
Be Confident (in him) without being Conceited (in yourself)
Be Caring (for others) without being Overbearing (to others)
Be Loving (towards others) without being Controlling (only he has control)
And your soul shall be at Peace
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