It's About That Time

I get tired, and I know I'm not supposed to, but it's not a physical status I can escape.

I pretty much don't really like to be around people...certain people hurt to be around...and truthfully it's such a stretch for me to keep up with people's moods and needs....it is just draining.....

Church service Sunday...Pastor's sermon  was about repenting, and not living a worldly lifestyle while pretending to live a spiritual one. He said the biggest problem Christians deal with is Pride. I know some really proudful people, who never apologize, never admit they are wrong, and brag about all the great things they do....what I wonder is...if I'm able to see that in them...what does that mean about me? Am I being proudful by
making a judgement about their character, and is it because I'm filled with pride myself that it's so easy for me to recognize?

I mean...if someone is awful to you, you're supposed to turn the other cheek...over and over and over...so if you say 'Ok, Enough!' and walk away...does that make you proudful? 

If you tell someone not to talk to you a certain way (like yelling, or demeaning words, talking down to you, etc..) or if you decide that you refuse to be treated badly, does that make you proudful?

Exactly what is pride? Because I believe it's a very subjective word...what I see it to be in others may not be how someone else would perceive it. Is there bad pride and good pride? Because according to the Bible it's one of the seven deadlys. Is it ever ok that your cheeks get tired of  being offered up to the sacrifice, and being bruised and battered (hypothetically speaking of course)? Is it ok to get tired of letting things slide? Is it ok to say enough!!!! I always thought so, but now I'm just confused.

I mean what happened to standing up for what is right? Why has saying no to someones behavior towards you all of the sudden become a no no in this society? Are we catering to the bullies now, and isn't that behavior of the devil? I guess more specifically, what I want to know is 'How do you stand for what is right by God without coming across as self righteous and proudful?' Stay calm is what I hear...stay calm when you are accused, stay calm when you are persecuted....stay calm in the midst of the storm!
Then I think out loud with a chuckle...'Well Good Luck With That One!'
Somewhere between age 20 and age 40 something I lost my ability to stay calm... I lost my patience....Various people have told me that I am a really patient person, but I don't feel patient or calm, not like I used to. I'm tired of letting things slide, and tired of allowing people to show absolutely no regard for others...They might say they have regard, but they don't show it....they don't take the steps to show it.

It's about that time when my spiritual energy starts begging for some peace...a break, a sabbatical from activity and chaos. That time when everyting I know to be true to my core is being compromised by merely existing in the world....

I need a small breather from the anger, the bad, the busy, the criticism, the expectation, the spirit draining negativity....just a small one...I guess that might mean physically standing alone...eh...as I get older I'm getting used to physically standing alone in this world anyway...

All I know is my cheeks are tired God....I think I might need a new pair....and remember calm~patience~woooosaaaaa