Get Out Of Your Own Way...

Women~Women~Women....

Why can't we get out of our own way? We've been served up a huge dish of lies about what being a woman is supposed to be, and it is so far apart from what God meant it to be.

There are so many of us out there pretending to be Divas while we are really insecure in the depth of our soul. My definition of Diva=a woman who is so insecure that she has to act in a bossy, overbearing and out of control way to get what she wants..aka a big ol B***H! 

Being a

 Should NOT be something you are proud of....

There is no amount of make-up, exercise, clothes or plastic surgery that can make you look in the mirror and say, 'Hey there, I like you :)..'

20lbs ago I was self conscious about my body, and now I look back and think "Hey, I wish I would have appreciated what I looked like 20lbs ago!" There are days when I am so entrenched in how 'bad' I feel about my outer beauty that there is nothing anyone can say or do that will make me feel better.

I've joked about my buddha tummy and my bobble sized head, but underneath all that humor is a lot of self-loathing. So, when my partner would tell me that I was beautiful, my first and automatic reply was, 'No I'm not, but thanks for thinking so'....Yeah, open mouth insert a big stinky foot! I'm convinced he could've flourished me with all the love and attention about my looks that any sane person could handle gracefully. I mean enough to make us insane people puke, and still, I wouldn't have felt it inside. Every time we were in public, I'd notice a beautiful woman, and wonder if he was secretly desiring her...I mean what kind of crazy mind suffers this kind of insecure madness?

Annnndd The Million Dollar Answer IIIIssss.....

The Crazy Woman who has been subjected her whole life to the belief that it's all about looks...that's who. No matter how hard I try to get rid of that evil crazy voice in my head that tells me lies like..looks are the only reason women are worthy to love..that voice is still there, day in and day out. It's a constant battle to get out of my own way, out of my own head, but believe me with each time that I am consciously aware of  the lie and I deny it power over my thoughts....it gets better.

In M. Night Shyamalan's movie 'The Village' Lucius say's it perfectly when he asks Ivy....'Why must you lead when I want to lead' and when she asks him why he can't say what is in his head, he replies, 'Why can you not stop saying what is in yours?'

That old adage about how we talk too much is kind of true...in my case it's that I think too much...we are so bent on figuring IT (our guy) out that we forget to enjoy the moment...we forget to bask in the beauty of right now. We want so much to control our destiny or know what he's thinking that we Get In Our Own Way. Our society expects women to have it all together...our house, career, body, beauty, kids...and so we are so adept at trying to conquer everything that we try to conquer our relationships too. Under the guise of being all lady like that is. We don't know how to let things ebb and flow. Yeah we talk to much.....as George says 'If you keep on talking baby, you know you're bound to drive me away.'

So what are we supposed to do with all this internal dialogue then? Meditate, pray, write, or find someone YOU CAN TRUST with your innermost thoughts and share those thoughts with them. Preferably someone of the same sex or you could get into a world of trouble of another kind. Try being quiet...as hard as that sounds for some of you...really...I mean really really try it. (Please for all of us non talkers...try it!) 

Finding a nonjudgmental listener can be a little tricky....but just be clear about your expectations. Tell them you want to vent, not to be judged....you'll know who you can trust with your thoughts and who you can't. 
Revealing thoughts or speaking them out loud always helps you realize if craziness is involved and in fact if you are getting in your own way. Things that may sound perfectly sane and justifiable in your head will reveal themselves as having absolutely no bearing in the 'real world' once they are spoken out loud. 

Try to spend more time in meditation and entertaining only those thoughts that are pro active and positive, and if you must speak it....choose who, what, and where carefully, and I guarantee you will  no longer be stumbling over yourself, and you will have

a clear, peaceful, and beautiful path before you.