Knowing and Revealing

Daily Affirmation Statements

You have to know yourself honestly if you are going to successfully be in any relationship, but more importantly, you have to be willing to reveal yourself. That means you actually have to listen to what others say about you. Now, I didn't say internalize and act on their outlook of you, but truly listen, and ask yourself those hard questions. Challenge yourself to get outside of yourself and make a choice about how you can grow as a person.

My daughter once told me that I expected people to be at the 'same level' as I was when it came to working and organizing. She then said 'Mom, not everybody can do what you do.' That, I took as both a compliment and an insult. Not that she was insulting my character, rather my character was insulting others.

We all need and desire different things in life that make us feel 'ok' about ourselves. Knowing what others need and desire is key to relationships because it leads you back to yourself. After all it's easy to know your own stuff, but it's somewhat of a challenge to know your partner's, kid's, parent's  friend's, or coworker's stuff. Partly because they are secretive about it and partly because it gets lost in words, but mostly because we aren't really paying attention~listening. When you start paying attention, it makes it that much easier to take that step into yourself.

When I say 'know' others, I don't mean 'judge' others....I think we are all capable of doing that. I mean knowing their core values. What roles they want or desire to play in a relationship. For instance, one of my Daughters is rather independent and doesn't really like to spend a whole lot of time hanging out with me. She loves me and expresses it whenever we spend time, but hanging out daily, and talking daily...she's just not in need of that. Although, I wish we were closer, I respect the role she wants to play in our relationship. What that teaches me about myself is I desire closeness with someone who needs me. I fill that void in different ways. I of course have another daughter who likes spending time, and as crazy as it sounds, I gear some of that energy into caring for pets.

I have learned so much about myself from my kids. I'm unique in a crazy neurotic kind of way. I strive too hard for perfection. Guilt was a constant driving force in my life. And I am beautiful simply because I'm me, flaws and all!

Translation?

Thinking about how that translates into a marriage or a committed relationship is a little trickier. Knowing  yourself and revealing it to your partner in their lingo can seem like relying on winning the lottery to pay your bills, retire, and go on vacation. It's a complete gamble. Why? Knowing  yourself  and revealing yourself are two very different things and it's in the revealing of ourselves that can make or break our relationships because people are fickle to say the least.

Society says to 'play life like a game of chess...strategize to win at all costs! For me, that means be fake or don't reveal you at all. And even if you do manage to reveal yourself, if your significant other isn't willing to listen or they criticize you...it can be a huge setback.

Ultimately you have to stay true to you in a very open minded and honest way, and accept the risk of  the gamble. Know what your core beliefs are and reveal them and you might just get lucky enough to win the relationship lottery someday!